Lovely Lisa Vandever (director of the Cinekink Kinky Film Festival) recently announced the line-up for this year’s Cinekink traveling show, and we’re on it! Just in case you forgot how we feel about Lisa…

Kfink / Lisa Sandwich

Memories…Like the Corners of Our Dirty Minds

In 2010 Cinekink took our first kinky cutie LIBIDOLAND on raunchy roller coaster ride to NYC, Vegas, Portland, LA, Washington, CD, and Chicago. If our March trip to the Cinekink 2011 kick-off NYC is any indication, this year’s tour is going to be just as fun.

Cinekink NYC 2011 - Thinky pre-screening chat with film friends

Cinekink NYC 2011 - Kinky Q&A (Uh oh...Julie's on a roll.)

Cinekink NYC 2011 - Drinky tweet-up w/ Pericles & Jeanne

Three Kinky(?) Kings

We’ve Got Friends in Fun Places

Big thanks to our friends who supported us at the WIGGLE ROOM screening in NYC, including Leontine (she designed our Kinky Cuties logo, btw…), Gary & Susie King, Kim & Matt Garland, Rick & Diana Vaicius, John Trigonis, Marinell Montales, Raffi Asdourian, Christina Rose, Miles Maker, Matt Shea, Jerry Cavallaro, David Spaltro, Marissa Mutascio, and, last but not least, our friends from Cinekink Vegas, Tess Danesi & Dee Dennis. And, of course, Lisa.

You Know You Wanna…

Anyone who’s up for a little break in June (we know you deserve one…) should make plans to go to Cinekink Vegas June 18 – 20th for some sun, fun, and dirty ditties. Our WIGGLE ROOM is included in the lust/love/life film block on Friday night, but that “Best Of Fest” block on Saturday looks pretty tempting, too…

Who’s in?

The Flyway Filmmaker Lounge

On Thurs, 10/21, we drove to Pepin, WI, for Flyway Film Fest. Some fun stuff happened. And then we woke up on Day #2.

A Breakfast Fit for Kings: Director Gary King (What’s Up Lovely, How Do You Write a Joe Schermann Song?) was one of the first indie filmmakers we found on Twitter. (Look here: we even wrote about him…kinda…back in September 2009.)  We learned a lot from him about making movies, marketing movies, and being a savvy, sincere tweeter. So, of course, we couldn’t resist roping him into breakfast at Flyway on Day #2.

Another omelet, please

Sometimes you meet your idols and they let you down (think Willy Wonka throwing Charlie Bucket out of his office); other times, they build you up. Luckily for us, Gary King did the latter. Paired with his wonderful wife, Susie, he was a delight to spend time with. Can anyone say, “Couple crush?”

We think Gary learned his classic move from his wife

Kfink Takes the Pancake: We’d planned to meet Gary and Susie at a little bakery shop in Stockholm, WI. We got there first and realized that there was no seating, so we Twitter DM’d Gary and sped to location #2. En route to the next restaurant, we realized that in the olden days we would have just waited at the bakery for Gary and Susie to arrive rather than relying on technology to get the job done. We slapped our foreheads in unison, pulled a u-ey, and then sighed duel sighs of relief when Gary DM’d us back. Disaster averted. Lesson learned: no matter how much technology you have at the ready, don’t forget to act like human beings.

Bill Elverman's work ethic didn't stand a chance against us

Together at last: Finally across the table from one another, we chatted easily about films, fests, and 2011 plans over tasty omelets and coffee. Bill Elverman tried to do some work at another table, but we were happy to distract him enough to pipe in from time to time. Sheri Candler soon joined us, making the conversation all the more lively.  The whole experience made us want to buy and island and import all of our Twitter friends. Who, now, can just be called friends.

Lunchtime Trialogue: Back at the filmmaker lounge, many film fest attendees gathered for chicken curry, lasagna, and tips from Angry Filmmaker Kelley Baker and a DC film festival programmer about film festivals, social media, and other film-related issues.  We were especially excited to see Jake Stetler (No Sanctuary) arrive by parachuting out of an airplane…maybe, and our buddy Phil Holbrook was on his heels in a slightly less dramatic vehicle…his sweet minivan.

Phil + Jessica: These two should not be allowed in a room together.

Jake Stetler: Our All American Hero

Between lunch and the 10pm Flyway Film Festival Kickstarter Backer Party, we know there was dinner and an opening night movie, but mostly we just remember finally getting a chance to talk and play and hug Pericles Lewnes a lot while Jeremy Wilker took hundreds of photos.

Jess + Pericles

10pm – Flyway Film Festival Backer Party: This event, scheduled way past our bedtime, was awesome and packed to the gills. Rick Vaicius scheduled this party as a way of thanking everyone who’d contributed to Flyway Film Festival’s successful Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign. As backers and filmmakers, we were proud to be a part of it.We also debuted the TILT teaser trailer that night. Holy moly, the reaction was great. More on that soon…

Since this was a film fest, let’s talk about some films. Here are our thoughts on the ones that screened at the backer party:

• Be Still Life by Michael Harrell and Craig Varian.  This visual short film explores the tricky nature of impermanence as a young man attempts to freeze images/moments in an old tv frame. Interesting ideas and a lovely soundtrack by 400 Lovely Things.

• Cooking with Gerry- Poutine by Jay Cheel.  I almost don’t even want to review it: you should just watch it.  It’s hilariously funny. Everything about it is funny.  The way Gerry looks at the camera is funny.  Gerry’s refrigerator is funny.  The word poutine is funny.  The faux horror moments are funny.  Stop reading this and watch it right now.

Click here to view the embedded video.

• Libidoland by Jessica King and Julie Keck.  Who the hell made this movie, and what’s the point?  Women sitting on cakes?  Who wants to see such nonsense?  If you do, you should buy or stream it from here.

• Death of the Dead by Gary King.  While we are not the intended audience for this kind of film (fart jokes + open wounds are not KFink’s cup of tea), we admire Gary King’s deft directorial skills.  His balance of sight-gags, ball-gags, and just plain old gag-gags is worth watching.  Also, the charming and talented Christina Rose stole the show with her transformation from nerdy girl to (SPOILER ALERT!) ass-kicking vixen.  She was definitely a diamond in the cess-pool of (SPOILER ALERT!) rotting flesh and (SPOILER ALERT!) gouged out (SPOILER ALERT!) breast implants.

You know we didn’t go all the way to Pepin without our Flip camera. Ready to see some of the havoc we wreaked? Ready to see whom we wreaked it on?

Big thank yous to Sheri, Bill, Jake, Pericles, and Hunter Weeks for being such good sports. Start prepping for next year, folks…

Ready for Day #3? (In which Julie’s excitement for Gavin B. James shakes loose of its chains and Jessica discovers that she might be a country girl after all.)

KFINK ESCAPES TO LA

FRIDAY, 7/23

We’d both been to LA before, but only Jessica had driven along the coast, so we spent Friday, July 23rd, in a rental car trying to find a road by the sea.  This might sound crazy, but we had a heck of a time finding water.  We were blocked by mountains, water towers, and fertile fields full of who knows what.

Mountains!

Mountains?

Jess + Buzzy Brunch Eggwich + background mountains

Water tower towering (and watering, most likely)

Migrant workers working

Finally - The Pacific!

Cali rush hour stopped us cold in Santa Barbara, so we took a walk and caught up on interweb work.

A pub in Santa Barbara has the right idea

Once we got to our hotel in 90210, we realized that we were both sleep- and food-deprived.  While we were tempted to stay in and eat our hair, we braved the streets of WeHo to grab a bite at Real Food Daily. Then we headed to bed.

Saturday, 7/24:

Our second morning in LA was spent catching up on the TILT fund raising campaign.  We wrote some thank you notes for new supporters, added some backer bios to TILTtheTown, caught up on emails, and chilled out by the pool.

Best office ever

Best walk to the store ever (Beverly Hills-style)

DIY lunch + best Jessica ever

In the afternoon we headed to Altadena to see our friends Andy and Caroline and their new baby, Clara.  Andy and Caroline offered us a welcome evening off from hotels and restaurant food.  Their little Clara was beautiful, engaging, and officially the first baby not to fall instantly in love with Julie.  This was a GENIUS move on tiny Clara’s part, as Julie will now spend the rest of her life trying to win her favor.

Stage 1: Clara's fine b/c she doesn't know who's holding her

Stage 2: Wait a minute...

Stage 3: Mini-meltdown

It wasn’t Clara’s fault – Julie can be a little overwhelming for first-timers.  It has something to do with the gap between her two front teeth.  Despite the tears, we had a wonderful time and made secret signals to each other to trick Andy and Caroline into inviting us over again. (It totally worked, by the way.)

SUNDAY, 7/25:

FILM COURAGE DAY! We woke up excited and nervous about our Film Courage interview at noon with David Branin and Karen Worden. We met Julie’s Uncle Lee (one of Julie’s first loves and a very generous TILT backer) for breakfast at La Conversation for way too much coffee and not nearly enough french pastries.

Nobody tells a story like Unca Lee

Then it was off to Film Courage.  We arrived very early, drank even more coffee, then stalked Karen and David outside their studio.

On the air in 30 minutes...

Jess is so excited

Julie just can't hide it

Upon meeting Karen Worden and David Branin of LA Talk Radio’s Film Courage for the first time, we were immediately put at ease.  They have a calm, kind energy and are 100% at ease in the radio station.  They said that everything would be fine. And they were right.

We think our interview on Film Courage went well, but you can judge for yourself here.  After the interview, David recorded a little “Outside the Studio” video (which you can see below) with his ever-present Flip camera, we took some pics, we met their amazing technical guy Ronin, and then it was off to lunch.

Film Courage's Karen Worden + Jess

We made Karen & David put on fake mustaches. We win.

Mustachioed David, Julie, Jess & Karen

Karen & David at The Good Earth

After talking, playing, and planning for 4 (5? 6?) hours, we parted ways with Karen and David, safe in the knowledge that we’d get to see them the following evening at their Film Courage Interactive event.  If we hadn’t had those plans, though, you can be sure that we’d have MADE more plans, because we thoroughly enjoyed geeking out with them about indie movies.

We headed back to our hotel and grabbed dinner at Real Food Daily (again).  Then…someone must have rufied our organic macrobiotic meals, because we have NO idea what happened.  We might have gone to see strippers.  We might have just gone to bed.  No one will ever know. Apparently LA is tough on the memory…

MONDAY, 7/26:

Film Courage Interactive DAY! We spent the morning and afternoon catching up on Kfinky and TILTy work at the hotel.

Who knew having fun was so much work?

Then we headed downtown to meet Andy Black and Nathan Cole (“The Waterhole“) for dinner before the movie screenings.

Nathan Cole, our Kfink from another mother

We’ve known Andy forever, so seeing him is always great, but this was our first time meeting Nathan.  We liked him instantly, and he must have liked us, too, seeing as though we didn’t scare him away by shoveling food from Urban Noodle into our noodle holes as fast as we could. Then it was off to the main event.

As soon as we got to the Downtown Independent, we saw Karen and David, and then things started spinning.  Introductions were made. Hands were shaken. Cards were exchanged. Interviews were taped. Short films were screened (including Libidoland), a quick all-female director Q&A (which we MIGHT have been a part of) was facilitated, and THEN we saw the indie feature One Hour Fantasy Girl.  Fifty percent of the proceeds from the evening went to the Downtown Women’s Center, and we were proud to be there on such a special night.

Take a look at some of the people we met:

John Paul Rice + David Branin + Kfink

Actor Gregor Collins + Jess

Jess + David Branin + writer/director Dennis Peters

Jess + SABI's Zak Forsman

Director Craig Oulette & director/actress Marion Kerr

Jess + Craig + Julie - Angels in LA

Other great people we met included producer Saskia Wilson-Brown (Cinema Speakeasy), director Phil Calderone (“Manhaters“), actor John T. Woods (“I Fucking Hate You”), Mark Smillie (Stone Henge Productions), Michael Barnard (“A Father and Son“), Kevin Deen, and several other kind LA-ish folks.  We had a great time and wish we lived closer so that we could take advantage of these regular indie meet-ups.  If only someone would start something like this in Chicago…

Whew. That LA recap made us tired. BUT we’re not finished yet.  Check out our Kfink Escapes to LA video and read our third and final CA trip post to out what happened in our final few days in LA in. Questions answered may or may not include:

Why does Jessica look so comfortable in this fake kitchen? (Do you recognize it?)

Which 2 are the Scream Queens? (A tough one, we know...)

Just how much coffee did Jess drink in CA? (Clue: is there any left?)

• Our short film Anxiety Acres is going to appear online, FOR FREE, on our King is a Fink Web TV at The Film Annex starting June 1st.  We are also entering it in the War of Films, so if you have the time, we’d love your votes.  Notice the plural there, vote + S = vote every day PLEASE!

• Anxiety Acres‘ companion piece, Libidoland, is screening at the Seattle True Independent Film Festival on June 5, 2010 at 10:15 pm.  We desperately wish we could be there for the screening, but we will be here in Chicago.  If you’re in Seattle, not only should you see our film, but we also recommend Wes Hurley’s Waxie Moon.  It’s a fantastic documentary about Seattle’s boylesque superstar Waxie Moon.  Check out the trailer:

Click here to view the embedded video.

• We’ve been busy promoting and running the Tilt: The Score contest at the Tilt blog. The contest was excruciatingly tight.  Julie almost had an ulcer, and Jessica bit all of her nails down to the nubbins.  The official winner will be announced on June 3, 2010.

• We’ve been making videos, lots of little videos. If you missed our 24-hour Danny Lacey support marathon, check it out below.

Click here to view the embedded video.

(P.S. If you like us, and I mean REALLY like us, then sign up for our mailing list immediately to the right. You’ll get special stuff. Secret Kfink stuff. Check it out.)

CINEKINK FINAL DAY – SATURDAY, MAY 15, 2010

Jess will miss you, Vegas.

Poolside w/ the Cinekink Crew

• Final Morning of Fun: After crying a little because it was our last day in Vegas, we repeated our Starbucks / granola bar breakfast and then headed out for a poolside meet-up with Tess, Diva, and Lisa to discuss what Cinekink + Chicago might look like.  We all agreed it would pretty really damn good.

Jess = Thai Heaven

• Carbo Load = Done! To prep for the second day of films, we grabbed some great Thai food near the Onyx. Chili mint tofu + ginger tofu + fresh spring rolls + charming waiter = you win again, Vegas! (And by “you,” we mean “we”.)

Cinekink = Camp - Ticks + Sexy Movies

• Fast Film Friends: You know how kids develop fast and deep friendships at camp? Well, Cinekink felt like that, and by Saturday there seemed to be nothing that the attendees wouldn’t talk about or share.  It was wonderful.  Certainly we talked about the movies, but we also talked about our families, our travels, our ambitions, and our desire to meet up again at future Cinekink festivals.

• Movie Wrap Up #2: Amongst Saturday’s films we were delighted to find a wide array of topics, rawness, styles, and skill levels.  Cinekink director Lisa Vandever said that she saw a theme of female dominance in many of the movies entered into this year’s festival, so she put them together in the “Yes, Mistress” section. A few that really tickled our fancies included:
  • In the “Yes, Mistress”section: “Anti-Samaritan Hotline” – an exploration of perils involved with falling for your dominatrix;  “The Pawn Layman” – a funny twist on a fast cash fable; and “Taxi” – a short and sassy cab ride starring the aforementioned Madison Young. And…oh yeah – Our “LIBIDOLAND” was in there, too! So exciting. We talked a little after the screening, and the audience was very kind. It was, perhaps, the perfect audience for our sexy, sassy short short.
  • Also on tap on Saturday: The features “Swingers” and “S & M Judge.”  Both foreign entries (Netherlands and Belgium, respectively), these movies contained “normal” characters in relationships who explored kinks in a thoughtful and unexpected way.  We didn’t actually watch S&M Judge (see below), but “Swingers” hit its mark.  It nailed what we tried to say with LIBIDOLAND, which is that kink can be a fun part of a normal, loving relationship.
  • Our only question: would “Swingers” work if it was in English?  Sometimes accents fool us (okay…Julie) into thinking something is better than it is.  We’d love to see an American film tackle swinging in a similarly mature and titillating way, but we doubt it could be done with as much tact and finesse. An American remake would probably star Jonah Hill and Jessica Biel anyway.  No, thanks.

Sushi Heaven

Corn + Cheese = Japanese?

• Dinner Time: We were determined to stay out late with our Cinekink friends, so this meant that grabbing dinner was essential. Unfortunately, it meant we had to miss “S&M Judge.”  We ordered a few rolls, and then the sushi chef started handing us extra food, including miso soup, cucumber salad, sizzling corn & cheese appetizer, broiled mushrooms, and ginger ice cream. It was wonderful.

Patty Fantasia = very comfortable or bored out of her mind

• We Met Patty Fantasia, Yo! We returned to the fest in time for Jessica to watch “The Best of Cinekink” program and for Julie to chat with Twitter friend and indie film producer / marketing guru / red carpet maven Patty Fantasia. Julie asked Patty a million questions about her job(s) and her current project (“Accused”); then poor Patty tried to stay awake while Julie blathered on…yes, Julie was a little nervous.  Can you blame her?

• What’s in a Name? By the way, Julie found out whether or not Fantasia is really Patty’s last name.  Are we sharing the answer?  No.  You’re going to have to meet up with her and find out for yourself.

• Best of Cinekink: While Julie chatted with Patty, Jessica watched the “Best of Cinekink” program, which consisted of award winners from the Cinekink NYC fest.  It goes without saying that all of the films were top-notch.  Jessica’s favorites included “Coverage” (about the effects of September 11th on a couple’s sex life) and “Balloons” (a documentary about sex and, well, you get the picture. But you’ll have to see it to REALLY get it…)

J + Terje + J

Seriously - have you ever seen Jessica look this happy?

• Another Cinekink Love Match: We never would have thought that we could fall in love so quickly after meeting Waxie Moon’s star and director, but after they left the fest, they left a hole in our hearts.  Luckily, that hole was filled when we witnessed a spot on impression of a woman from “Balloons” by Norwegian journalist Terje Mork.  Swoon. We never had a chance. If only his magazine was in English…

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Tess?

Terje...on the rocks

So this is goodbye...for now

• Don’t Dream It’s Over: The Cinekink wrap-up party moved to the Peppermill Lounge, which had an old school, rat pack vibe, crazy floating fire pits, waitresses wearing long black gowns, and more flat screen TVs than we’ve ever seen in one place.  Someone may or may not have ordered a way-too-big fishbowl drink.  Julie may or may not have imbibed most of it through a 3ft long straw.  At the end of the long night, we somehow tricked Lisa, Diva, and Tess into walking all the way back to the hotel instead of grabbing a cab, much to the dismay of Diva’s little high-heeled feet. She was a trooper, though, and we had a great time savoring the last few moments with our new friends.  Hugs in the lobby. Stayed up to do a little tweeting. Finally went to sleep around 2am, which was unfortunate because…

Final, Final Cinekink Day, Sunday, May 16

Jess in LV airport

• Leaving on a Jet Plane: We got up at 4:30am to catch an 8am flight back to Chicago (via Cleveland).  Red eyes.  Starbucks breakfast.  And, surprisingly, we were probably the calmest we’ve ever been pre-flight. Sometimes exhaustion is your friend.

• A quick note about Continental Airlines: Way more leg room than we’ve ever had + free breakfast + no fewer than three drink passes = we will definitely use them again. You should, too. (No, we are not getting paid for this compliment. Although we are not opposed to that.)

• SUMMARY:
  • While we were sad to see the end of our Cinekink Vegas film-cation, we’re excited about what lies ahead. Specifically, we hope to bring Cinekink to Chicago this summer, and we’re absolutely inspired to make another kinky movie so that we can be a part of the Cinekink fun next year.
  • If the traveling Cinekink show comes to a town near you, GO.  If you’re a filmmaker, make something sexy and submit to Cinekink (submissions for 2010 open in August).  It’s a great opportunity to reach a very loyal and supportive niche audience, to connect with other filmmakers, and to be a part of a festival that could potentially screen your movie across the country.  Multiple screenings for one low submission price?  That’s very hard to beat.
  • So film it, cut it, print it, and submit it to Cinekink (submissions for their next cycle will start in August), and join us (if we’re lucky enough to get in again).

Julie's dreaming about Cinekink 2011

Want more? Really? Then check out our little “King is a Fink Does Vegas” v-log!

CINEKINK DAY #3 – Friday , MAY 14, 2010

Top ON

• Up and At ‘Em: Our second morning in Vegas =  Starbucks + granola bars + Twitter.  Then we met Diva and Tess at the pool (possibly the topless one) to get a refresher on our sunburns.  There we learned more about Diva and Tess’s event planning business (Tied Up Events) as well as their involvement with the online Kink Academy. Kfink + Kink Academy? Sounds like a match made in heaven. We just hope our Girl Rods series gets us some transfer credits.

Rainbow's End...again

• Lunch Stop: We made a quick return trip to the heavenly Rainbow’s End.  The waitress started to suspect that we were stalking her.  One of us ordered the exact same thing as the day before. (We’ll never tell who, except her name probably rhymes with Messica). Then, we headed to the Onyx Theatre to finally see some kinky flicks.

Julie + Onyx Theatre

Early Dirty Birds

• The Onyx Theatre: Located in the back of a sexy leather and toy shop, the Onyx was a comfortable, if slightly chilly, spot to watch the kinky movies curated by Lisa Vandever (Cinekink director). The first day we huddled together for warmth; the second day, we brought sweaters.  And huddled together because it was fun.

Julie + Waxie Moon Director Wes Hurley

• Waxie Moon: Cinekink’s opening movie, Waxie Moon, was a huge hit.  The touching documentary about a central figure in the Seattle ‘boy’-lesque scene left the audience swooning, especially when they found out that Waxie himself (aka Marc Kennison) and director Wes Hurley were in attendance.  We fell for them both. Sadly, they snuck away before we had a chance to trick them into marrying us.

Lisa's Q&A with Waxie Moon's Marc + Wes

• Kfink Loves Love: Yes, we do have a habit of falling in love with people at festivals. (We’re lookin’ at you, Matt Shea and Adam Bronstein.) However, we DARE you to meet Marc and Wes or see their movie and NOT fall in love.  We’re pretty sure it’s impossible. To get your fix, find them at Seattle’s True Independent Film Festival in June.  LIBIDOLAND will be there, too. You know, just in case you’re in the neighborhood…

• Movie Wrap Up #1: The first day’s screenings also included:
  • “Bring It!”: This selection of Cinekink’s SUPER-adult films was, though not completely unenjoyable, a bit overwhelming. These excerpts + a theatre full of strangers = mildly traumatic, although we were reminded that in the “old days” most people saw much of their their erotica on the big screen. Our favorite film in this section was one with a sense of humor. (Shocker, right?) Madison Young‘s “Frisk Me” was frisky (see what we did there?), playful, and fun.
  • “My Sexuality:  A Sensory Experience”: This student documentary followed 5 women on their journey toward learn more about their personal, and feminine, sensuality and highlighted that anyone can become more in touch with their sexy selves no matter what their size or age.  Plus, this movie had a cameo by Carol Queen – can’t beat that.

• Pick a Little, Talk a Little: At the end of the day, we participated in a panel discussion about women and filmmaking with Carol, Lisa, and Lynn Comella, head of the women’s studies department of University of Nevada at Las Vegas.  CLEARLY we were on this panel by accident, but that didn’t keep us from talking way too much about why we started making movies, who the Girl Rods are, and our path to LIBIDOLAND.  We were very honored to be in such great company.

CineKink Ladies Club

• Intelligent Chicks + Tasty Martinis = Too Much Fun: A group of CineKinkers headed to the Downtown Cocktail Bar, including (above) Lynn Comella, Julie, Jessica, Lisa Vandever, Tess Danesi, Dee Dennis, and Carol Queen.  Our dapper Norwegian friends joined us later.  So how was that post-party? Some of us may or may not have run into a glass door on our way out.  We also may or may not have imbibed the last of the bar’s signature Bee Keeper martinis (just for you, Sean J. S. Jourdan!)  We also may have complained when the DJ pumped up the volume during a discussion about whether Sarah Palin is pre-feminist or post-feminist and what her involvement in U.S. politics says about the United States. May. Or may not.

Phew! Almost done. Are you ready for Cinekink Day #4?

Here’s what we did on Day #1. Ready for Day #2?

CINEKINK DAY #2 – THURSDAY, MAY 13, 2010

• Woke up starving. Hit the buffet. Jessica ate a sensible breakfast of protein, fruit, and fiber.  Julie, on the other hand, might have eaten everything that should never exist at the breakfast buffet.  This may or may not have included: steak, nachos, an “everything on the sundae bar” sundae, a variety of seafood-ish products, and chicken strips with bbq sauce. May. Or may not.

Jess + Stratosphere Death Watch

• Bloated and buzzing on caffeine, we then did the most logical thing we could think of: headed to the pool.  There we encountered bikini waitresses, guys looking for the “European-style” (e.g. topless) pool, and a clear view of tourists who’d paid $100 for a simulated suicide jump off the tip-top of the Stratosphere tower.  Luckily, their screams were drowned out by club music hits of the ’00s that seemed to get pumped up every time we started to engage in meaningful conversation, a trend we noticed throughout Vegas.

Onyx Theatre

Making sure we're still on the list

• After getting properly sunburnt (a Kfink tradition), we explored Vegas on foot. We walked past the Onyx Theatre, where the CineKink screenings would be held later on.

Goin' to the chapel?

• We also saw a cute little quickie wedding chapel. Next door was a place where a lucky couple could rent a dress and a tux. Across the street was a spot that tattooed wedding rings on fingers.  Did we take the plunge?  No – that’s illegal, silly.  Would we if we could have?  Maybe.  As long an espresso maker was in it for us. (Hello, Williams and Sonoma.)

Rainbow's End

The Goddess

Goodbye, Goddess.

• In lieu of getting married, we decided to eat lunch at the Rainbow’s End.  This raw and organic food paradise might have saved our lives.  Yum, vegan sandwiches.  With cheese, of course.  We stocked up on water and granola bars (apparently we thought there was a chance we’d get kidnapped and dropped off in the middle of the desert), then headed back to the hotel to primp for the CineKink opening gala.

Jess doing work, sending Julie to the wolves

• We found out (via Twitter, of course) that CineKink Director Lisa Vandever was hanging out with event planners @DebauchedDiva (aka Diva) and @Urban_Gypsy (aka Tess).  Julie was slightly concerned that some spontaneous porn might erupt. So, naturally, Jessica sent her to the meet-up alone while she took care of some business.

• The first ever Kfink / Cinekink crew meet-up was brief but good. Tess and Diva’s hotel room had a great view of the kooks jumping from the top of the Stratosphere spire, so we were distracted every 10 minutes or so when a new jumper plunged past the window. Julie was instantly smitten by Lisa, Diva, and Tess.  She even got to meet Good Vibrations resident sexologist and founder of the Center for Sex and Culture Carol Queen.  Score!

• Our lack of sleep started to catch up with us, so we grabbed some coffee at the Starbucks in the hotel casino before heading to the party.  Calm, twangy Starbucks music collided with the crazy dance ditties pulsating on the casino floor, which made Julie’s brain explode a little.  She may or may not have cried.  Jessica may or may not have called Julie a poor little baby. The only thing we can say for sure…Jessica filmed it:

Click here to view the embedded video.

• After recovering from the sensory overload, we cabbed it to The Erotic Heritage Museum despite some not-so-subtle warnings from well-meaning gentlemen.  Check it out:

Click here to view the embedded video.

• Cinekink picked the perfect spot for the opening night gala. The Erotic Heritage Museum is a dirty diamond in the strip club dotted rough.  You’d never know from the outside what wonders lie inside.  The site has only been open for 2 years, but it’s skillfully filled to the brim with wonders you can’t even imagine.  If you’re interested in sex, sexy things, sexy art, sexy movies, or the history of sex, we highly recommend that you skip the strippers and head to the museum on your next Vegas trip. Okay, at least on one of your nights there…

The Wall of Shame makes Julie sad

Art, people. Art.

Human chandelier a la Jessica's favorite movie, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"

Bondage 101

• The gala was full of fun and flirty delights. Filmmakers and other attendees marveled at the amazing museum exhibits, mingled, and ate their way through approximately 15 lbs of chocolate. Past Cinekink winners showed at a small theater upstairs next to a Peep Show exhibit.  Waxie Moon attended in full regalia, accompanied by documentary director Wes Hurley. Performers belly danced, tied each other up, and sang kinky songs with ukelele accompaniment. Carol Queen brought the house down with a segment from her one-woman show.  A good time, no – a great time – was had by all.

• As we all know, Julie loves playing the prude, and the Erotic Heritage Museum was the perfect place for her favorite character to come out.

Julie learns from transgendered porn star Buck Angel that hormones work. For realz.

Jesse makes Julie nervous

• So what happened next? Did Kfink pole dance the night away? Did they actually watch any movies? Did either of them marry Waxie Moon? And will they ever be allowed back in the Stratosphere?  All of these questions (or none of these questions) will be answered in Cinekink Day #3 post.

CINEKINK DAY #1 – WEDNESDAY, MAY 12, 2010

Evidence that J loves J

• Left our apartment in Chicago at 5:30pm.  Our fuel for the evening: handmade spring rolls by Julie.  NOTE: if someone makes spring rolls for you from scratch, they really love you.

Travelling Jess

• Got to O’Hare at 6:30pm for 8:40pm flight. Yes, we are a little cuckoo.

• While at airport, recorded segments for our video of support for Danny Lacey‘s 24-hour fundraiser for Love Like Hers (5/20). Rode the pedway (Jessica calls it a “walk-a-lator”) back and forth in United Terminal for 45 minutes – we had the time.  Emergency: Julie fake-sprains her wrist while performing a risky carry-on/escalator move.  Live fast, die young – that’s her motto.

Plane Nibbles (mmm, Advil)

• Flight delayed by 10 minutes, then by 20, then 25, then 30, etc.  Once we boarded, we waited on the runway for another hour before take-off.  The flight was bumpy and stormy.  We sort of slept and definitely felt nauseous.  We consoled ourselves by pouring over the Cinekink Vegas schedule and dreaming of how awesome the festival would be.  Our native Las Vegan (? – she was from Las Vegas) airplane row neighbor commented on how well Julie took care of Jessica snack-wise.  Julie swears she saw her wink.

Jessica minding her own beeswax

• Arrived in Vegas at 12:30am. When we got to The Stratosphere, we were greeted by a swath of smoke (we’d forgotten that you could still smoke indoors in NV – oof!) and an ear-splitting rendition of “My Sharona.”  Julie went on the hunt for food, while Jessica tried not to make eye-contact with the woman crying behind her in the check-in line.

Vegas water + fake vitamins = what we needed to relax

• Once in our room, we both took emergency vitamins to ward off airplane cooties, cab cooties, and to mend Julie’s fake-sprained wrist.

Vegas at night = scary clowns + lots of drunk people

• Instead of sleeping, shot more segments for our Danny Lacey video. This started in the hotel room, then spilled into the streets of Vegas.  We may or may not have started a fight at the blackjack tables.  Julie may or may not have won an amateur stripping contest.  She then may or may not have used her winnings to bail Jessica out of jail after Jess punched out someone who looked at her funny at the club.  May have.  Or may not have.

Julie + Vegas wedding chapel

• So what happened next? Who did King is a Fink meet at Cinekink?  Which movies did they see?  Did they meet Waxie Moon in person?  Did they go to the topless pool or the regular pool?  Did they ever get to sleep?  And why did Jessica make Julie stand in front of this Vegas wedding chapel?  Find out in our Cinekink Day #2 post!

Here’s a peek into what we’re shoving into our carry-ons:

IN-FLIGHT SNACKS

IN-FLIGHT SNACKS: Jess is a bear when she’s hungry, and I often panic at the airport right before take-off and buy emergency bagels and M&Ms to ward off mile-high blood sugar emergencies. Expensive and carby. This time I’m coming prepared with Jessica’s favorite ginger snacks, freeze dried pineapple slices (should we feel bad that they’re made out of “baby” pineapples?), and trail mix. It’s a bummer that we can’t take our own water, but we wouldn’t want to cause a scene near the full-body scanners. Or WOULD we…

IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT

IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT: For the plane ride, Jess will probably bring one book and her iPod.  Very practical. I, on the other hand, plan to bring 12 books. Okay, 12 is too many, but I’ll most likely bring 2 of these five:

• Oedipus Wrecked by Kevin Keck – Our next project (after TILT) will be the movie adaptation of Kevin Keck’s naughty memoirs. We’ve already read his books and written an outline, but now it’s time to get deeper into the story so that we can hammer out the treatment. Kevin’s style is similar to that of David Sedaris and Jonathan Ames.  Kevin’s been great to work with so far, and we respect him immensely. Additionally, his interests match ours perfectly. Lots of sex talk and awkward family interactions. Here we go!

• Are You There, God? It’s Me, Kevin by Kevin Keck – See above.

• The Men Who Stare At Goats by Jon Ronson – We haven’t seen the movie yet.  If we had, probably wouldn’t be reading the book.  Jess read most of this and got frustrated that money is spent on paranormal experiments when there are so many other concrete things for our country to spend their money on.  I saved the book from our last book weed-out and am about 25% of the way through it.  So far I’m really enjoying Ronson’s easy, breezy nonfiction(?) style.

• Ghost Town by Robert Coover – I’ve read this before, but I’m reading it again, because a) I enjoyed it the first time, b) I have a short memory for books, and c) I love reading maliciously funny, genre-bending, and fantastical books on vacation.  I often bring Murakami (or buy Murakami books while I’m at my vacation destination – Hello, Miami!), but this time I thought I’d switch it up a bit.

• The Other Side of Desire by Daniel Bergner – Again Jessica already read this (guess who usually buys the books in our house), but I want to check it out, too.  I think it would be especially fitting to read it while in Vegas for the kinky film fest.

POOL-SIDE ATTIRE

POOL-SIDE ATTIRE: The last thing we’re bringing won’t take up too much room.  We’re planning to lay by the pool…a lot.  So even though we can’t bring our big bottle of sun screen (Why do you want us to get skin cancer, TSA?), we’re definitely bringing strappy swimming suits.  Commence the cooking of Kfink!

Have any suggestions about WHAT ELSE we should stuff in our bags at the last minute?

Best ideas so far:

• Jessica’s new Flip camera (so we can do interviews with Cinekink fest attendees for our Peep Show column on Film Snobbery.
• $1 bills (for strippers)

We won a STIFFY. This makes us giggle.

• LIBIDOLAND won a STIFFY Award from Seattle’s True Independent Film Festival for “Most Romantic Auto-Asphyxiation.”  We’re very proud.  Our moms will be, too. LIBIDOLAND is scheduled to play at STIFF at an over-21 show at the Jewelbox Theater on Saturday, June 5th, at 10:15pm. Be there or be square.

LIBIDOLAND's Leilah with the Meat Guy. And the Fish Guy. Yes, she gets around.

• Before LIBIDOLAND hits Seattle, it’s screening on Saturday,May, 15th, in Las Vegas with the Cinekink 2010 “kinky film festival” tour. SO many great movies are showing, and we plan to see as many as possible.  We’re especially excited to see Waxie Moon, Anti-Samaritan Hotline, and S&M Judge.  Join us for the naughty movies, a little fun in the sun, or some bootylicious Vegas buffets!

LIBIDOLAND's Reed = a little tied up at the moment

• LIBIDOLAND will, hopefully, be playing in LA while we’re there in late July.  More details coming soon.

• Lastly, LIBIDOLAND will be joining SNOW BUNNY on IndieFlix soon.  For those who take the plunge and invest in the DVD, there’s an extra special “extra.” Let’s just say, NOT buying this DVD could cause you some…ANXIETY…

scary hitchhiker + barn = bad news in ANXIETY ACRES